I’d like to dispel the myth that when one steps out of the boat to follow the call of God, the rocking ocean becomes a glassy sea, that birds sing beautiful melodies in angelic voice, and that your home is filled with constant laughter and cooperation and high-fives of congratulations and success.
What really happens is that the through the glassy sea, you can sea the sharks waiting to devour your failing flesh. Fear grips you in the middle of the night as the picture perfect glass rapidly thins. The melodic song of the birds becomes a constant pestering of gnawing worries chirping “what if” and “what-do-we-do-now?” And while laughter still comes, it is followed quickly with a big gulp to choke back the tears piling up behind the concerns and frustrations and exhaustion of moving your car twice a week for street cleaning. (I promise. This is no easy feat.)
In the last week:
- The kids started school and they LOVE it. They are still laughing.
- David started school. The Bronx is not Scripps Ranch.
- I did not get a job I really wanted…and I need a job.
- Our car got towed. $200 and a day of traveling from one end of Manhattan to the other, brought our family van home. (NOTE: In some New York sense of wisdom, you pay to get your car on the extreme far south end of the island. My car was parked on the extreme NORTH end of the island. WHAT?)
- It may be February before the Department of Education decides to pay David at the correct
pay scale. Currently, he’s considered a first year teacher. He will bring home less than $3000/month. (Did I mention I need a job?)
- Led by the Lord, I invited someone to pray with me. Through her tears and worries, she DECLINED! (Are you sure you called us here?)
- A day after we got our car back, some misguided youth tried to break in, a feat rendering our lock and window controls useless. They took NOTHING…there was nothing to take!
I tell you, Dear Friends, about these potholes because I’m guessing someone needs to know that even when walking in complete obedience and dependence on God, life can be really hard. I’m writing in the midst of the trial BEFORE our circumstances change, hoping you can relate to the desperation taking over our daily lives. We are trying to keep our eyes focused on the GOD of the promise rather than on the complete lack of SIGNS of the promise. But that doesn’t mean we are filled with joy and peace. We trust, but we’re worried. The seas are angry these days.
In the midst of the angry seas, we’re trying desperately to remember the mission to which we were called to New York — to be ministers of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I’ll write more about that later. For now, I take my greatest consolation in that life could be worse. We could be trying to potty train a two-year on the subways of New York.